One of my occasional forays into my own story…
I am extremely uncomfortable — nay, phobic — when it comes to talking on the phone. I dread making phone calls and very rarely answer the phone.
Many people find my problem very weird. Some even disdain me. I don’t think my issue is any stranger than the phobia my mother and sister have about driving over bridges. (Neither can do so, and they have to plot out intricate routes when they drive to ensure they won’t encounter any bridges.)
I wasn’t always this way. I would not say I went out of my way to talk on the phone, but I had people in my circle that I would have regular, long phone conversations with. I don’t remember having my current dread of the phone in my earlier years.
Two things happened in the 1990s that gradually made me anti-phone. The first was the Internet. I first went on the Internet in 1993, and I think I came to a subconscious realization that, for the most part, I didn’t have to talk on the phone anymore. I used to have at least monthly long conversations with my best friend, who for years has lived far away from me, but once she went on the ‘Net a month after I did, we carried out virtually all our conversations online. We’ve had personal phone calls only twice in these last 17 years — once to discuss the OJ Simpson verdict and once when my father died.
Which brings me to the second influence on my phone issues. When my dad died in 1997, I learned that he, too, had hated the phone. Somehow that made my quirk OK. I was validated. It was genetic.
It’s usually not that hard to work around my discomfort. In my role as associate publisher for Quintessential Careers, I get a fair number of requests from media for interviews. I either ask to do them via e-mail or pass them off on my partner.
Some phone interaction is unavoidable, though. Some people press me to communicate by phone. I did a number of phone interviews when I was actively pursuing a college-teaching position. My phobia made me absolutely awful at these interviews, but I did learn to get somewhat better (my husband suggested pacing while on the phone to channel nervous energy; that helps a lot). I do monthly conference calls for an executive board I serve on. I am capable of making phone calls if I absolutely have to. I generally have to psych myself up for days. My greatest triumph in confronting my fear was the teleconference I did last fall for Worldwide Story Work.
I know there are ways to get over phobias, and some friends have even suggested methods. But I’m not sure I want to get over it. If my phobia does not greatly impede my personal and professional lives, do I really need to get over it?
The same best friend with whom I no longer have phone conversations has a simple rule for life: Do what you love. Don’t do what you hate. I feel as though I have earned the right at my age to not have to do what I hate.
What do you think? Am I selfish, inflexible, and bizarre for refusing most phone contact and being unwilling to get past my fear?